PHP | <?php /** * LOLCode * - Mysql LOLCODE - f4db76660

<?php

/**
 * LOLCode
 *
 * @package LOLCode
 * @author 3picM1ke
 * @copyright 2009
 */
function DB( $sHost, $sUser, $sPass, $sDb )
{

        $rConn = mysql_connect( $sHost, $sUser, $sPass ) or die( mysql_error( ) );
        mysql_select_db( $sDb, $rConn ) or die( mysql_error( ) );

}

function ASK( $sQuery )
{

        $aSearch = array( 'CAN I PLZ GET', 'ALL UP IN', 'OMG', 'ZORT BY', 'NO MORE THAN', 'PLZ ADD TO', 'MAKE', ' IZ ', ' N ' );
        $aReplace = array( 'SELECT', 'FROM', 'WHERE', 'ORDER BY', 'LIMIT', 'INSERT INTO', 'SET', ' = ', ' AND ' );

    // Not inside single quotes (strings)
    $aQuotes = explode( "'", $sQuery );

    foreach( $aQuotes as $nKey => $sQuote )
    {

        if( ( $nKey % 2 ) == 0 )
        {

            $aQuotes[ $nKey ] = str_replace( $aSearch, $aReplace, $sQuote );

        }

    }

        $sQuery = implode( "'", $aQuotes );

        $rResult = mysql_query( $sQuery ) or die( mysql_error( ) );

        return $rResult;

}

function MUCH( $rResult )
{

        return mysql_num_rows( $rResult );

}

function DBUCKET( $rResult )
{

        return mysql_fetch_assoc( $rResult );

}

?>